Recently I’ve been brought into discussions on love and jealousy in love. For many it seems that you love when you're loved in return and that jealousy is a proof of love. But I wonder if all this is TRUE love. Let's take the first instance; I love you if you love me. Most of us see this as a normal condition in love, we trade love for love. We cannot make it to the idea of giving away love for free. To reach to my conclusions, I need to have a conversation with myself; as Jiddu Krishnamurti used to say: “a conversation with oneself…”
My questions therefore are:
- Is it that much difficult to love without being loved in return? Are we not conditioned by society to trade or buy all the things we want in life including?
- Is love so much precious to us such that we cannot give it away for free?
- Isn't conditional love an action of the ego?
- Isn’t jealousy a lack of trust and confidence in a relationship?
- Can we love unconditionally?
- Yes we are. Since childhood we have been brought up by the reward and punishment principle, and by the trading laws. Let us see how. We have been taught that we need to perform good deeds and be rewarded by god or else get punished. Our parents reward us by presents when we perform well at school and we are punished when we fail. We get rewarded when we win at contests and suffer the pain of a loser when we lose. We are asked to behave well and get rewards or else get punished. All of us have been brought to the idea that you either deserve something or you buy it. Give away the appropriate amount, whether it is money or anything else, and you get what you want in return. This is the basic rule of trade. At work we perform a job against salary; everything is worth trading, up to intelligence. Could it be that this influences our thinking and we apply the same principle in love?
- How precious is love to us? Love does not cost us anything more that we already have. In fact it rather brings us a feeling of goodness inside.
- The ego concentrates all attention on oneself. Conditional love is an action of the ego. The self cannot give away love without having love in return.
- When there’s jealousy in love, it’s a sign of problem in a relationship. Say I have a girlfriend and I’m jealous of the guys which are her friends. What is the source of this jealousy? It is because I’m afraid that those guys would take her away from me? I’m afraid to lose her, I’m afraid of being left alone, I’m being afraid for myself, not for her. I’m being egocentric, I have fears. It is all an action of the ego. I’m not confident enough in myself; I fear not being able to keep her mine. There’s also lack of trust in the relationship; I don’t trust my girlfriend enough to let her have boy friends for the same reasons. Jealousy is not when there is trust, confidence in oneself and when there’s no fear.
- What is it to love unconditionally, like a flower who gives away it perfume for anyone to smell; can’t we give away love, true love, to all without expecting anything in return?
"Freedom and love go together. Love is not a reaction. If I love you because you love me, that is mere trade, a thing to be bought in the market; it is not love. To love is not to ask anything in return, not even to feel that you are giving something- and it is only such love that can know freedom." Author : Jiddu Krishnamurti